Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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