U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
