He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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