i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
