Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
