I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What a dumb baby whore.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
