At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
