Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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