I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
