Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
