sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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