It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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