so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
