Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
