i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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