This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
