Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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