I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
