Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i believe in u and ur pee
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
