I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
