just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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