The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
