this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
