i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
