No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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