I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
