I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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