I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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