If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
