My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Enjoy the penises
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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