So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
