guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
