My Higher Power is John Stamos
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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