Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
