I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
