I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
All the doctor said was why
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
