I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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