he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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