did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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