If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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