Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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