So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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