she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
