Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
