I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
