i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
did i just pee glitter
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
