we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
