I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
