It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
