lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
