anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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