I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
