Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize