Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
