I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
