what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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