A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
