Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
