i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
