I can't watch pbs sober anymore
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
