you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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